Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
