Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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