smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
