never play flip cup with pint glasses
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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