I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize