I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize