But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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