I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
