garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
