I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
People in love make me want to vomit
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
