the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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