I hate your face
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
