I will die if light touches me.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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