respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
