not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
