Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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