Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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