so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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