thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
