TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
