She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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