I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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