I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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