Your mouth is God's brothel.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
