she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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