Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
