Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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