it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize