"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
