its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
