I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Houston, we have a blender
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
