maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I will pee on everything he values.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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