After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
