I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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