I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We got so high we made milksteak
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize