We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
