I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
