how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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