Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
