do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
