So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
