There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
