We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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