On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
FUCK WHALES
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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