I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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