Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
