Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
