he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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