she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
