I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
