We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
