I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Did I show you my penis last night?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize