I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
