Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
