the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
