so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
