Can Purell be used as lube?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
