Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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