So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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