Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
