i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
