This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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