Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
