i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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