I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize