One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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