he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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