he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
