my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
