When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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