I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
