so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
