I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltđ
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing âHappy Birthdayâ to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, âWhy didnât you sing along?!?â I responded, âI donât know him. I donât give a shit if he has a happy birthday.â
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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