i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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