My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
