Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
