I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
