just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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