sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
