You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
