It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
