I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
