I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
